i'm 2!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday was my birthday!!! i'm 2 years old!!!

it's hot here, and the grass isn't soft anymore.

1. Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 18 and find line 4.   okay. i found it. now what am i supposed to do with it?

2. Stretch out your left arm as far as you can. What can you touch? the floor 

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?  i don't pay attention to the tv unless there are dogs on it.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.  dinner time

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? not dinner time  

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?  dogs barking, My People laughing, things outside that i should be barking at...

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?  a couple of hours ago, and i was patroling the yard for those insurgents that climb trees.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?  my tail

9. What are you wearing?  a yellow and black collar that says "missouri" 

10. Did you dream last night?  no.

11. When did you last laugh?  i don't laugh, i'm too serious

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? lots of smells 

13. Seen anything weird lately? i saw a dog that walked right throughour nieghbor's yard (while the neighbors were in it) and didn't bark at them!!

14. What do you think of this quiz?  ..... 

15. What is the last film you saw?  the illusionist. very boring. no dogs. too much talking.  

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?  nothing. i can't eat or play with money

.17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.  i'm an antiaircraft barker.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?  outlaw fences and leashes

19. Do you like to dance?  i like to jump in the air and catch things

.20. George Bush:  never met him 

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? gwendolen

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? arviragus

 23. Would you ever consider living abroad?  yes, but the fence is in the way.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate? i'm a dog. i'm not going there.

developments

My People have two other People who live across so many streets that i don't see them very often. last week, one of them, the female one, came, and she had Another Dog with her! its a pug, named bella. "bella" is latin. romans speak latin. romans sacked carthage (or so i sniffed in david's books). hannibal was from carthage. i don't like latin.

but bella likes me. when she first came by, it was at night, and she was afraid to run around very far in the yard. i've never had Other Dogs in my Yard before, and since she was afraid, i figured that this would be a good time to test out my worldy-wise-dog mode. so, i ran around in places she was afraid to go, rolled in all the best spots she didn't know about,chewed on sticks, barked at the nieghbors, just to show her that i run things, and played with all the toys she had never seen, and otherwise tried to look like christopher hitchens's dog (). it was working really well, but then i looked up and saw that no one was paying any attention to me! they were all playing with and petting this snobbish little purebred pug. so, i tried the aloof-and-dignified mode. i walked around trying to be noticed, but i didn't lower myself to sniffed at by pugs, and i didn't play with her. still didn't work, so i tried the ever-helpful-and-friendly-dog tactic. i ran around, followed people around, and smelled things for them so they wouldn't have to bother, and jumped on them to get my smell on them so they wouldn't have to roll in the grass, and a grabbed the soccer ball and ran with it so they wouldn't have to, and i sniffed bella a whole bunch of times, to save them some trouble. they all just thought i was "excited", so i left them in their ignorance and laid out in the yard with my soccer ball. and they still ignored me.

i have to crate now and go to sleep, because i just spent today taking walks and guarding the house and keeping neighbors in line, and showing bella that i'm the one in charge. i'll write more tomaedfhjhsgdfioyugsdaifygsadhfgjksdhfghjsdafk

(Post continued by Davidus Valerius Caninus Backiardus: Hannibal has again fallen asleep on the keyboard)    

this is really weird. mem's gone. i can't follow her around and get treats from her and get my ears scratched while she looks at books. i don't know when she's coming back. i don't know if she's coming back why do My People just leave all the time without telling me?

today the neighborhood was invaded by a base scoundrel. in the neighbor's yard i saw A CAT!! i barked and growled at him and he ran away, but when he saw that i couldn't get him that i respect people's property too much to chase him out of my yard, he started taunting me and walking all slowly. but, i noticed that he crawled behind some bushes.  

so, on tuesday i got into the big metal silver thing, and it took me to this place owned by this Other Person called "The Vet". the whole place smells like dogs and cats *growls* and Other People. there's so much that i can't smell all of it!!!!!!!!!!!!! we go through this glass door and stand in a place with slippery floors that smell like stuff. then these female Other People who sit behind this big thing made out of wood and paint talk about how cute i am. i saw Another Dog that kept trying to tell her people that she wanted to talk to me, but they didn't let her. and there was this other Other Dog that was so scared of his leash that his people had to carry him, and he was really fat too. 

then i went through this door and The Vet came in. he tried to put me on this big black square thing, but i knew what he was up to and hid under david's chair. but dad got me out and put me on it, and as soon as i got on it started making scary noises and lifting me off the floor. then The Vet came over and started touching me and talking to dad about my ribs and my hips and my pounds. (when i got home i looked for my pounds, but i couldn't find them, even though they say i have forty three of them). The Vet said i needed a couple more pounds, so he said they should Feed me a little more!!!! yay!!!  i'd been trying to tell them that all along, but they don't think i'm smart enough to know about those things. so now i get to Eat in the morning!!!

i was just starting to like this The Vet, but then he stuck this wet stuff in my nose (i spat it back into his face, though!), and then he poked me in the shoulder and in the leg with these sharp things that i didn't like. then the black thing started making scary noises again and it set me down, and i hid under the chair again. then i went out into the place with slippery floors, and i smelled stuff, then i got back in the silver thing, then i went home!